I have one simple yet complex question for you. Think carefully before you answer it.
Do YOU love YOU? Please just pause for a moment and reflect on the question and answer it in all honesty, i.e. don't say 'Yes' if you mean 'No'.
If your answer is 'Yes', well done! I am no clairvoyant, but I guess you should feel pretty balanced and content in your life, or at least able to face adversity without compromising your self-beliefs and personal core values. You show
gratitude towards yourself, you are aware of your
self-worth and
don't allow others to compromise or undermine it - by putting you down or walking all over you! You are in control, in the driver's seat.
Now if your answer is 'No' or 'Not really' or 'Not at all', please rest assured that it's not the end of the world in itself, however what comes next might come as a bit of a shocker to you and be akin to one little bitter pill to swallow.
If you don't love you = No-one can love you - & - If you don't love you = You cannot love anyone.
That's right, and I'll paraphrase the above statement some more to drum the message in.
If you have no love for yourself, how can anyone have love for you? In order for someone to love you, you need to love yourself first. You can't expect others to love you if you don't first and foremost love yourself.
Oh yeah, here we go again - you might think. Something to do with self-help, personal development, whatever they call it down at
Hay House or on
Super Soul Sunday...
We are not talking fashion trends here. The love of self, otherwise known as
self-love had done the rounds way before personal development got trendy, filtered down the café societies and became accessible from the comfort of your latest smartphone app. Psychiatrists and psychologists have long linked
self-love to increased confidence, happiness and self-respect. And self-love naturally attracts the
love from others to you - and reciprocally
your love of others.
You can't expect off anyone what you can't give out yourself. Same applies with kindness, generosity, tolerance, empathy or respect, etc. You can't respect anyone or expect respect off anyone if you don't self-respect first.
What goes around comes around. We are indeed skirting round the
Law of Attraction here and it makes perfect sense.
If You ♥ You = You Get ♥
To love oneself goes beyond love itself. It means to be kind to oneself, be our own best friend, acceptant and respectful of oneself - warts et al, and this chain of events leads to
others being able - and made allowed by us - to love us.
To some of us, self-loving might either sound complacent or total mumbo-jumbo and there is no wrong in that. Self-love is a process, a journey, not an overnight result. Being aware of its importance is one first capital step in the direction that will change the way we approach business, friend and love relationships once and for all.
To some of us, self-loving might already be music to our ears, although we might keep quiet on the fact that self-love wasn't achieved overnight, that it took years well into adulthood, through painful personal experiences like feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness, fear of rejection, self-loathing, self-harming, complicated family rapports, pretend friendships, tense office politics, not to mention those disastrous 'love' relationships with the douchebag brigade!
The best way to approach self-love as a novice is by doing
'some mirror work' as
Louise Hay candidly describes it. Every single day, she spends a moment with herself by looking in the mirror and saying to her reflection 'I Love You'. She says it meaning what she says. By telling herself 'I Love You', she comes from a place of
honesty. She acknowledges herself, gives herself attention, importance, recognition, self-appreciation, gratitude and compliment. It is a powerful
positive affirmation. Please note that self-love isn't to be confused with narcissism (which is an excessive, obsessive, compulsive, distorted and therefore negative idea of self-love).
The method takes a bit of getting used to. It did for me. I only started it properly three months or so ago - and some days I really have to force myself to say the words. But I know that I am giving out a positive vibration and
positive attracts more positive into my life, so this is time well spent. And the self-love mantra has helped me refocus on many areas of my life and be self-centered (this doesn't mean selfish) and
empowered. For the first time ever.